Reassurance
by IsabelleMalfoyPotterSnape
Summary: It's always nice to know you matter.


Title: Reassurance

Author: Isabelle Malfoy Potter Snape

Pairing: Shassie Shawn/Lassiter

Rating: PG-13

Summary: It's always nice to know you matter.

Disclaimer: I don't own, if I did… well rest assured there would be a whole lot of slash!

Notes: This is inspired solely on the episode from yesterday.

Shawn sighed as he entered his lover's house. It had been a long weekend, his mountain man trip that he had finally gone on with his dad. It had been a nice break after the monarch lodge case, and while Shawn had enjoyed the time with his dad, the fact remained that he had not been with his lover for a week and he missed him.

The monarch case had been a hard one; meeting his lover's ex- father-in-law had hurt in a way that Shawn had never expected. It had been a blow at his heart; a pain that Shawn hadn't known he could feel. And to top that off, the icing on the cake so to speak had been when Shawn told Carlton about the fact that Irving Parker was the main suspect, and Carlton vehemently saying that at the end of the day the killer could not be Irving.

As if Irving being cleared of all suspicion would endear Carlton to 'Victoria;' 'Victoria,' the bitch that had caused his Lassie so much pain and heartache was named 'Victoria' Parker. It wasn't as if Carlton never talked about her but she had always been his 'ex-wife' or 'her' but never 'Victoria.' It had been nice to solve the case and give his lover the credit. But the pain, about the fact that Carlton had been so worried how he looked to Victoria and Irving, had caused had not faded, even after his weekend away.

And then there was the fact that his lover was going to join the Monarch Lodge and be in contact with his ex-wife's family. Shawn definitely didn't like that and refused to stay where there was a constant reminder of 'that woman.' It made him uncomfortable, uneasy, but it was just another hardship of loving Carlton but Shawn was not about to say anything to worry his lover.

The door opened and Shawn jumped up to lean against the couch, waiting for his Lassie to notice him. "Hey," Shawn said with a smirk when Carlton sent a smile his way. "Hey yourself," Carlton answered back. Carlton pulled Shawn into his arms before settling them both on the couch. Shawn bit his lip, waiting for Carlton to speak. He knew from the way that Carlton was holding him, it was a sharing night.

Sharing nights were far and few in between but when they happened, they were emotionally draining on both of them. Shawn was not looking forward to this because he was afraid he might spill the beans about his feelings on 'Victoria' and he knew his Lassie did not need the extra burden while he was still dealing with his divorce.

Shawn moved into his lover's lap, straddling him, knowing that if he was going to have to suffer Carlton's reminiscing about his ex then Shawn wanted to be as comfortable as possible. Carlton's arms tightened and Shawn waited, "I don't like failure as I'm sure you've noticed. I'm human and I know I make mistakes, but Victoria…Victoria has been my greatest failure, I… I don't want what happened between her and me to happen to us."

Shawn nodded against his shoulder, knowing that if he opened his mouth all kinds of secrets would spill out. "She is the one person I feel I let down, the one person I feel I didn't try hard enough with." Carlton paused, before continuing, "I should have tried harder or made it clearer what it would mean to be a cop's wife. I…I failed Shawn and I'm… I don't want to fail with you."

Shawn couldn't contain the smile that those words brought. Leaning back Shawn gave one of his customary grins, "You won't Lassie, I know you won't. I know because this life, the life of a cop is the only one I've ever known. Even when I was away I was living a cop's life, because, it's the way I was raised. You won't fail with me, you can't."

Gazing into Carlton's eyes Shawn continued, "I know that there's always a chance that I'll get the call from Jules, and I know the fear and pain that every wife, husband, boyfriend, and girlfriend feels every hour of every day. I know Carlton I know."

Shawn leaned forward, catching Carlton's lips in a searing kiss trying to get rid of the haunted look that was ever so clear in his lover's eyes. "And that's the price that I pay, and the price she couldn't. My mother couldn't forever either. It's hard, the emotional strain and not everyone can deal with it, but I can, I don't know any other way to live." Shawn stared into Carlton's eyes begging him to trust him, to believe him.

Carlton pulled Shawn closer, his hands going to Shawn's behind to pull them closer together, and Shawn couldn't stop the next question that came out of his mouth, "Are… are you happy?" And Carlton winced at the hidden questions, 'Are you happy with me? Are you still in love with her? Am I truly who you want?'

"I love you and all I want is a future with you." Carlton said, without hesitation, hands roaming across Shawn in gentle caresses. Shawn nodded knowing that while he still harbored doubts that he would probably never voice he could rest a little easier knowing that Carlton was not going to leave him.

Knowing that he really needed to end the vocal emotional part of the evening to be over Shawn whispered, "I love you Lassie, and I want us to last too." And then Shawn captured Carlton's lips and distracted him with a different kind of love declaration.

AN: Sorry this was not my best writing, but I really wanted to get something out after that episode. So I hope you enjoyed this.


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